Just musings, lessons, accomplishments and realizations. I've asked myself why do I go back then forth on being here or anywhere in the community. Yet now I think i've learned from the cycles and it's changed lots within me.
That it doesn't make me any less and it's proud of me for realizing, learning, integrating those lessons. There are some things only you can learn ,acknowledge, and discover what's inside I am grateful and thank you force for helping me grow into a stronger me. I'm so happy I got to accomplish my dreams and now I get to have more dreams come true.
I continue to hone myself, my goals, and get my stuff done. I'm a 2 times martial arts hall of fame nominee. I"m a rising DJ who knows her shit and has something inside that makes me stand out. I feel more at peace with myself and my emotions. Peace is a lie because life isn't peaceful al the time however conflict is also temperary because it's part of our evolutionary growth. You need all aspects of the force and to acknowledge the whole of the experience.
https://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/-a-look-back-at-the-coors-kidnapping-case
Issues of most minds: 1. Downplay faults 2. Justifications 3. Self Manipulation Me: 1. Mindfulness of my attachments with deep self introspection immediately 2. Let go of the attachments and how that can fuel my justifications/reasons 3. Stepping out of bullshit and high moral/desire to hold self very accountable. If I am needing some grace and work then I buikld myself to a place where I can stand in accountability/responsibility.
My desire, drive, and work has allowed me to first go inward to ask what did I do? What are the consequences of m actions even if they are positive actions? I am able to stand amidst conflict and have toughened mysel. Or have learned to shush while quietly processings things.
Using paid servitors to increase my following, likes, comments, and engagements. looks out at world and sighs competition going well. I'm using what i can to my advantage just like any sith would.....competition brings it out of you. I am still honorable with it though and a good sportaman.
I'm exhausted by it all though. This whole campaign for my competition that i ran, made practical solutions/strategies for has been great. grins and congratulates self Lady A you'd done it again. Yet a whole month and a half with breaks/fuel/rest is still exhausting. Luckily i've had consitant followes and voters so go me.
Learn to let go comes to mind as i reflected. The force has been teaching me the whole time. The force is with me. I moved on because i no longer needed to learn from here anymore.
Not letting Lotus back into my life was a consquence of his actions and how that affected me/even when he learned from his mistkaes i honored my own human experience too. I thanked him for the lesson then moved on because I respect myself. I'm proud of myself for also stepping away from jfed members too and just moving on.
This community cannot learn nor cannt offer me anything anymore. It once served me now it doesn't. I feel content.
I never knew how much everything i went through with the Jedi would prepare me for the DJ industry. Betrayal, Liars, Slander, and more.
i'm grateful i went through it all. The dejection I feel I no longer feel. Proud of myself. I feel ten times more prepared for the millions that will hate me, threaten me, and more. I am headlining even more now, producing more dope music, and using what i've learnt here to apply it to my daily world.
Proud of myself. Go me.
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1A8irw7vnp/
https://youtube.com/shorts/aqGNJufU3jo?si=Gb6h2TFPFauiBWsR
https://youtube.com/shorts/meV_WuprzuU?si=R9LM_xyEvr841S03
Speech from last years induction
The chosen song i'm competing with. Finding the right outfit to wear or either making my own bodysuit.
Calming Meditation
https://www.youtube.com/live/kSdErVgQQR4?si=IX0mJwLBk9HT0vY3
By me 4 years ago hahaha damn
Intro: From my future self to my present self who has been nominated to be knighted and someday will receive one of the highest honors in service. Chivalry. Cardinal Virtues. Self Development. Self Growth.
Life Lessons
When you no longer feel a need for protection to be included your whole life changes because no one can take away from how you act or who you are.
When you face adversity yet remain gentle, humble, kind, understanding, open, centered in yourself you know you’ve done the work.
When recognition or lack of recognition doesn’t matter anymore amidst naysayers you know you’ve found yourself on a. deep level. That you acknowledge yourself and that alone is good enough.
Short Bio:She was Lady Arashoka who learned to believe in herself, recognize herself, and continue her amazing journey as an empowered being. Through her darkest times she found her light and healed herself through integrating her shadows. She grew strong, centered, and remained herself in a world that sought to change her. She travelled where no human dares to go bravely and even if she fails she continued to achieve multiple victories in her own timing.
She is a force to be reckoned with and is a pioneer who affects multiple generations by just being her. smiles internally She rests, nourishes herself properly, and embraces her voracious never ending appetite for accomplishing her goals. The fire burns bright yet steadily into the day to nights. She isn’t Ashoka Tano yet Lady Arashoka Da’ii Bendu a future Dame who has received many honors in her life. It all started with her and ended with her.
You change the world the by changing what’s inside, most make the mistake of trying to change what’s outside of them or their control.. We are all like snakes shedding our skins and becoming better versions of ourself by doing the great work. You are your own magnum opus yet you have to make that choice by looking inside instead of outside. -Lady Arashoka
Remain soft, go through all the motions, hardening comes from various things just like in martial arts we use breathe meditations to remain relaxed with our muscles whilst walking over painful objects, remain soft yet grounded n firm in oneself. Yet able to also go with the flow and evolve into better self. Light. Unconditional love.
Decalcify the hardening. Embody/integrate the lessons, adjust expectaions, hold the new boudnaries, go forth in light and aetherial grace. Most people become bitter and go to dark palces after being worn down. Heh been there myself.....yet healing is the key. taps pen as she sees the chaos ebb to flow It's like remaining soft so you dun get torn apart by the torrent and even if you do that's cause your shedding. If you dig claws in you lose claws and it hurts. Turns from dirt to rocks.
Submit to it all and know you can make choices in the flow of that torrential energy. I am that energy. It is within me and around me. clicks pen again and observes self we getting there. Been working on it for few years. yawns and walks away Gotta get ready for my gig tonight.
This song is an ode to a beautiful soul and their the struggle of depression. This song captures the ups to downs. Love you Ja'ai, you were a true warrior goddess women with such an amazing soul.
Heh yeah accurate.
Old paradigm:
why was it imporant for me to be seen, heard, and understood? Well if you don't look like you match the requirements then how can you move anywhere? I wanted to train and be a knight someday. If your speaking your language yet after a few times it just feels like ur going in circles.....it all seems moot. So then I tried extra hard and glad I gave that up a few years ago.
New Paradigm after COJK:
When I wrote up my assignments I just did me and through doing that without worry about how I was seen or if I was being clear enough. I'm awesome and it's okay if people don't understand. That doesn't detract from my growth or possible merit someday to become a Jedi who embraces herself on a deeper level. Heck even if I don't get knighted it's fine, I see myself and that's what matters.
Even if Peter or anyone doesn't see me it's fine. Which Peter does see me but thorugh his own eyes obviously cause he peter and I myself. I don't have to worry about how I am seen and yeah that kinda used to be important. In fact it rubs against a whole 29 yr old shadow self trait cause people would make decisions basedon their understandings of me when they werenm't always accurate. It used to hurt my feelings and sometimes still kinda does or things trigger myself. manages a slight smile while crying internally
Observations Of Shadow:
I feel sad (lose people but also not want hurt people. Feel alone and trying to pull myself together to grow up only at age 6) rejected (abandonment, fear of losing people when i am struggling, try to handle and be good steward of emotions like freemasons talk about), unwanted (Mom left me to be adopted and feelling lost while having all these other things thrust on you and living a life you dun wanna live for 22 years), afraid (try not to hurt people but in struggle and wanting pepole there it hard cause i can't handle it all) shame (adult expectations on a kid...try to be normal, operate like everyone else, Pressure, failure, and overallinability. Super negative self talk/stories like I am dumb)
Feel proud of myself. I had a nightmare where I met my shadow self and it said to me "I need your acceptance to move into the 2nd heaven." then all these other demons came out. These are parts of myself and the moment I started asking questions they changed from being agressive/trying to hurt me to working with me. Me do a big heart sigh and feel so heavy.
Layers of emotions: "Anger is sads bodyguard"-saying that i forget where it came from.
Anger, Frustration, VIolence, Hurt, Sad, Alone, Vulnerable, Defensive,
accurate
Glad to be a stray Shadow Sentinal and redact my ideas/what I see because I have better things to do. They'll just have to learn the hard way and continue the same cycles. Can't take away from my realism and awesomeness.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/16269/16269-h/16269-h.htm
THOUGHT-FORMS
BY ANNIE BESANT
AND C.W. LEADBEATER
Using this on repeat today as I do work
Lindsey Stirling - short interview 2020
https://youtube.com/shorts/0Er1YGB9dTw?si=ncHeSyjKfpapF3MG
bit of motivation. grins
https://youtube.com/shorts/96aWgcbLK_E?si=UO6DqG4aF9lh_xNH
bit of inspiration. 🎤🤯 #billieeilish #music
Lady Arys Marketing Plan for album/SMART Goal
Investing in ads on tik tok, instagram, and YouTube helps me reach viewers faster via organically. For 8 bucks I can reach 1,300 on tik tok. I have a content schedule creation and will start with one song to build more of an audience then work on my album. Hopefully get it done in 3 months.
I am able to make songs for $30 an hour with a friend producer. Can make a few songs for $50 an hour with another music studio that’s also good quality. I’ve worked with them before. Cost will go from 27K to something cheaper while still having great quality that is above satisfactory for me.
With school i'll have to produce music either in evenings and on weekends. I believe in my ability to do so and am doing great things already. Drew knows a big artist drummer so I am going to collab with him which also gets my work out there. Also going to ask a few big artists I know to collab with me on shows so I can play bigger venues/open for them. Getting really clear on things and sacrifcing a lot. I'm proud of myself for maintaining social aspects in my life and hope to start making more money doing events/what I love which will go towards future events and my albums.
Goal is red rocks someday. Anywho back to the breakdown of my goal for now. After this big producer song is done then I can start my next steps with my other 14 songs. This album will have 15 songs.
Describe your faith, spiritual discipline or philosophical path. Detail your answer and explain why you follow it.
Phew okay girl just breathe.....You don't belong there. Unfortunately had the displeasure to see the town hall thing on the youtube thing. That's unfortunate.....*pushes it away wtih love and sighs* underneath I'm sad, feel excluded, and idk why the force even brougth me here. It made me think I could make a difference yet snorts in amusement and idk I battle inwardly with doubt. Was this some sort of joke? I choose to have faith and lean into the teachings. I know it made a difference in me and I just don't need to be there. Glad to unsubscribe and don't know why I received this notification when they've done town halls before.
Yet it hurts, sad, disappointed. Anywho i'm getting ready for a dj gig and just use affirmations to get out of my head, ground into the present moment, and no one wants me so I don't go where i'm unwanted. As Justin Gates said.....he doesn't insert himself anymore and all I can do is aknowledge my desire to go more silent. Hence why I chose the Sentinal path and am just a Shadow and moved away. Let go i did...yoda voice lamo^^and just pretend like I didn't see any of that. Ignorance is bliss.
I love my journey now even more on a deeper level and feel so liberating. I think the whole 8 years i've gone through have been the ultimate teachers for trial of flesh. shrugs and moves on
Setting some time in my schedule to work on 2 tracks with the two producers. Then start another track with the producer who worked with post mallone in january. Drafting up a contract agreement on top of our intiial agreement that states I keep my rights to the song too and that he can't sell my half of rights. Maintaining ownership is key to me and super important. I have good boundaries and yet am very present too.
https://www.lightcodes.com/what-is-light-language/
It was painful losing people to rumors and inheriting enemies that were foged by other jedi/sith who hated me. So i became avoidant in attachments and kept everyone away saying yep I'm the crazy sith. It's so painful losing people....then you realize it was never a loss at all. They were never your friends.....some were but anywho you learn friends are fickle in the community.
I gave up trying to connect and used to try hard cause i didn't want ally to win by keeping me out or away from everyone. Now it's more for me and ally can think she won for all i care. There are some friendships that have stayed in all my ups to downs. When I pushed people away they understand while some left I think some still get it yet that's not important to me. Raven and I spoke about some cycles. Fear, rejection, pain, self preservation in conjunction with the behaviors and where I rejected people before they could reject me.
I've gone away from a lot of that yet still don't see anyone worth connecting with except within my circle. I'd rather not run into the same people and it's like once you transcend a cycle behaviors change. Things seem less important and there's a sense of personal power/freedom. More time to focus on other things and continue to step into the wholeseome life I live. I enjoy what moments I have with peole and let them go without fearing them leaving. I just live in present moment and am aligned with the force/where it leads me. I don't really open my mouth that much about it and how I am now feel ten times more me and for me then for others. I started my training at cojk in april or may where things really started clicking/cycles with shadow aspect studies starting clicking too.
You have aha moments when you do the work and things just fall in place becasue you do the work. Then consistantly things happen and are acted upon so your not just knowing the lesson yet emobodying it. I like this song by T swizzle cause it's how I used to feel and every time my shadow self rears it's head I sometimes observe it or use my tools in my shadow tool kit. Feel proud of myself and I think I shared what I wanted to share in this text so I don't want to make a video anymore. I"m happy.
None of this is worth it for me yet making a video because why not. I refuse to train because it's for others and not me. I refuse to do any sort of cleanup/reputation repair to a community that wants nothing but to see the opposite....used to do that for years. While i've done lots of Jedi traiing on the side for me on my own terms at COJK .....if i do anything outside of Ashlas thing it's not for me so i'm not doing it.
Now that means i'm at an impasse with the community and honestly i'm fine with that. I used to hope it didn't but also ya just stop caring really and attaching. Because i'm one aewsome individual who's not going to waste her time with peter who thinks otherwise of me and explaining so he can understand is the complete opposite of what i'm wanting to do here. He can stay in his corner and I can be in mine. Not like i'm going to any sorta joint meeting yet if we ever did....we can be jedi and i can fondly wear my tigers eye yet stay my course that is separate from his.
I will always respect/love my Master deeply for what he taught me yet I also can't reduce myself either. All apprenticeships are temperary anyways and as painful/sad as I feel....had dreams of him night before last night I am a Jedi. I must be mindful of my attachments and to me I find a sense of inner joy in what i've been putting into play/applied from what I learned. I have an even deeper insight on things and there's a difference between clarifying/vs. talking to someone who's blind who will never see you then fighting to be seen when the languages just don't meld.
When you do that it leads to a sort of depressive feeling. I've learned better. Jfed wanted me to retrain and work with Gabriel who didn't even have time to train his last apprentice karina. Ross had to take over her tarining so while I always wanted to work with him I didn't see him as a reliable option to truly go through with his work or agreement. I meant no disrespect yet I'm hesitatn and honestly would rather not waste time on my end or his. So while that meant a lot to me I just eventually said no. Plus again it's more for them then for me. For their whole reputation repair thing vs. me wanting to do the training for me to enrich myself.
I enriched myself at other orders. I even finished training yet didn't get recornition....which yeah it hurts my feelings because I did lots of work yet everyones so focused on seeing the shit in me. How would that not hurt? Maybe someome else wouldn't be hurt but I did.....after years of being degreaded it just hurt. But now when I hold my saber I feel a sense of humility yet pride in my own journey. I used to hate how my journey was so different then others....like why did dead eye jedi train only for a few years yet i'm still not aknowledged? I've done so many training programs now.....while i've leraned lots i'm still a shit person who's I guess a waste of space.
Goes back all the way to my childhood and that taught me. showed me my shadow self and ran into some opportunity o do some work. So that's good and cool (: because my world is a mirror. I learned so many things......yet now silent cause none of it matters anymore. WHile I wish others could understand they will never understand, when i speak to community it's like i'm an alien or something thats speaking a language they don't understand. Which again shows i'm wasting time and emotions. I can process my hurt yet move past it all. I can feel yet also spend time deatching in the whole not taking things personally bhuddist wisdom thing i'm doing in conjunction with my shadow tools
omg ahahah this is funny. I want to do something funny yet ridiculous like this bahahaha.
Goals Completed:
Listen to mix, ensure quality, upload to media platforms. Get my regular social content creating assignments done.
Getitng around to lookng back at the first assignment. In no rush.
My Jedi training S.M.A.R.T. Goals
Goal Celebration:
I've accomplished 325 followers and originally wanted 300 by december so now i've got more then my original goal for instagram. Now I have a goal to get 600 in next 3 months.
Goal:
Each month or every other month or if it takes longer which is fine i"m going to complete the first part assignment section of this book for some self paced studies beacuse I want too. I'll give myself some flexibility and say 5 months just to round up and adjust as needed.
Goal:
Finish collaboration with fellow DJ then play it for Clozee which can be done because friend knows her/lil fish. I also have a song i'm making with a producer who asked to be mine. He worked with post malone, grizz, and has so many other artists. I hope to get that song signed by a record label and increase streams.
Goal:
Listen to mix, ensure quality, upload to media platforms. Get my regular social content creating assignments done. Run a few ads and adjust pinned posts by end of this week.
Maslow's needs;
My job/new schooling hours require me to be at school by 8 am with my job at 1:45pm. With music production and fitness needs my plate is very full. I'm fufilling my needs by working, shopping for some new things for my home, snagging some winter clothes, investing in meal prep chef due to me being so busy, and investing in a few spiritual things/managing all my finances. Doing work towards my financial goals and being picky with my investments.
When you manage your expectations and learn to deatch you no longer take things personally. A fellow Shaman who used to be a sith said my journey is steep and I agree. I had struggles aknowledging my journey and liking it. Now I do and I float feeling so free as I meditate with my saber. I resonate lots with Ashoka and felt beautiful in this so I took a picture after thanksgiving dinner with family.
I am grateful for myself, my growth, grateful for my journey, spirit guides, and more. My affirmation is
I love myself
I honor myself
I acknowledge me
I am capable, lovable, valuable, and worthy
In my failures I am still loved
The force holds me, loves me, and supports me.
I hold hands with my inner child, aknowledge my heartbreak of growing up sooner then later, be patient with myself, and grow myself as I heal/Integrate myself.
I am the force and the force is me